It's been a couple days because the 8th was a nothing day and I forgot on the 9th so here we are on the 10th day of my study abroad. Wow that is a lot of days. So a bit ago I said school started on the 22nd which was actually wrong because I guess in the UK the first week of teahcing is like no classes. Except for stem people? I dunno, alls I know is that I don't have real class until Monday so whooopie. Two days ago I'm pretty sure I did nothing, if I remember right I was gonna go charity shopping and then I totally didn't because I slept until....3 AHHHHH AHHHHHH stop stop I know I know. I don't know why I did that. I have an issue where when I am tired in the morning I can't think straight and so when I have nothing to do my only thought is musssttt go back to sleep. I distinctly remmeber thinking in my half asleep brain at like 1pm "you know what it's fine because today's activity will be sleeping".....seriously? It was delightful though. I love sleep and I love to dream. Those who know me know that I have vivid dreams almost every night. I am a veryyyy active dreamer. I remember almost all my dreams and often times they are topical. My dreaming habits are almost cartoonish in how they follow all the dream rules. They reveal my inner anxieties to me. I'm quite bad at lucid dreaming. Often times I can tell that I am in a dream of sorts, especially if it is a nightmare (usually, sometimes I have horrible life-like nightmares), but this does not give me any special powers. It usually is just a way of calming myself down if I'm in a dream where I have forgotten there was a big test that day. I tell myself phewww it's just a dream. That doesn't stop me from freaking out about it though. It's like dream mandated anxiety and the awareness. Hmmm a little like in teen beach movie when they sing the I can't stop singing song about how they are stuck in a musical world and their attempts to combat this come out as a musical number. All this to say, I slept through Monday. Which was unfortunate because it was the first day the sun shone through the cloud cover. Crazy to see the sunset for the first time in weeks.
Wow the sky! Through the clouds! A color other than gray!!
On Monday I made Ikea meatballs and mashed potatoes for dinner but I made so much watery mashed potatoes my plate was comically full. Like a meatball soup. I remedied this when I made the same meal today. I've also been on a movie watching grind. That day I watched "I Saw the TV Glow" which I have been meaning to watch forever and I really enjoyed it. Full review can be found on my letterboxd. Honestly I could say more on it, but if you wanna hear my full thoughts you can watch it and we can have a discussion. It also requires a rewatch for sure. My movie reviews are not really thought out or all that insightful, but I have made a decision recently. Quippy letterboxd reviews are OUT, sincere long reviews are IN. Obviously I love a short and sweet one sentence review, but I've been thinking and I would much rather read people's real thoughts on a movie rather than just a joke (I like the joke too, there is nothing wrong with a joke and then a new paragraph on your thoughts). We have become too much of a comments based society, everyone vying for the short quip to win the people. But I will never be letterboxd famous. I use letterboxd to catalogue what movies I have watched and what I thought about them. I would so much rather read my own reviews when they are my full sincere thoughts. Death to the one sentence review! Whatever, that's not the end all be all of everything; I will still write one sentence reviews when it suits me. It's just the soap box I have chosen for the time being. Does anyone else feel like it's kind of embarassing to write a long, sincere review? Maybe that was just me and this all just me breaking out of my own anxiety. I do beleive it though. I got tired of reading stupid reviews that aren't even funny. People should write more.
Mashed potatoes ocean
Yesterday, I had to go to this orientation talk thing at 12:30. It was boring, but I talked to someone. Gasp! The girl I sat next to was named Amna and she was very gorgeous and went to school in DC and was from Philly. I have personal grudges against Pennsylvania which is objectively the worst state ever, but she was really cool and nice. We exchanged numbers and instagrams. Also I spoke to her first breaking the long awkward silence between us while other people spoke during the break, so it should be noted that I am a social butterfly. Oh ALSO. When I arrived at the building for this orientation thing there were some other people looking around for where we should go, confused. There was a group of guys and then me this one guy asked so where are you guys from at which point these guys start answering and I turn my back to throw away my banana, but I was like sorta in but on the outskirts of this circle okay. And then I turn back around from throwing my banana away and the guy next to me has now said what school he goes to and then they all just keep talking! Like dang I didn't know throwing away my banana would exile me from the conversation. And you may be thinking "oh Maria you had to volunteer where you were from!" No you don't understand I was not in a position to do such a thing like physically, in the circle, like I needed to be brought in there was no entry point in this convo. It was original question guy's job to turn to me and go "and you?" but he didn't and it was becuase he was a coward. I could see it in his eyes when he nervously glanced at me. Whatever I forgive nervous question guy. But let it be known that I was excluded from the boys group ohhhh woe is me woe is me. Maybe it is because I am too short. Seriously, how do girls hang out in groups of guys, like they are monsters? So tall it's demeaning. Why would God do that? I'm not even that short!!!
Last night, I went to make dinner while Kent and Jade were in the kitchen. Sigh I am so sad when I go to make dinner and there are people there. It is not because I am anti-social it is just because the kitchen is a sacred space and I hate navigating around people. *shudder* I talk to them for a bit while I am making my noodles and then when I leave I stay in front of the closed door for a second to listen. You never know when people will discuss you right after you have left. I do this often...Anyways I am standing there and I hear "oh man we totally scared hehehe" presumably because they were being quite loud and rambuncious in the kitchen, perhaps a bit drunk? They did have a bottle of smirnoff with them so it's plausable. I thought it was funny and also cringey that they said that. People think too much of themselves! But this did not bother me, shout out Jade and Kent for being in the kitchen when I am in the kitchen often.
Today, I sadly woke up late...but it was fine because I knew I had this History department talk thingy at 3 that I was going to go to so I had purpose. So first I went to get my student ID card because I need to go to the library. I look crazy in my picture. like a zombie. I didn't have the energy to take a better photo when I submitted it at home so oh well. Then, I go to history talk for study abroad students. Which is boring, but informative. It's about the grading system and all that junk. Observations: The room is almost all girls which makes me feel right at home which is then confusing because for a second I felt like I was back at Mount Holyoke. Everything felt totally regular, too regular, and then I was jolted out of this and I thought hm I am not at MHC, this is London, England. Interesting.
I look like I have a black eye
The professor speaking is quite young, tall, and lean. Hip, I might say. He has a classic british accent, he says things like darling and crickey. After the talking part is over he tells us to all stay for drinks and chatting! Strange thing about the UK. The drinking age and culture differnce! Drinking wine with my professor, huhhhh? School sanctioned drinking??? School provided alcohol??? And they don't even check IDs??? Honestly, it's beautiful. It's how the world should be. I am an adult dammit! I should be able to enjoy a glass of wine while talking about the American political climate with my professor and my fellow peers. Which is what we did. He wanted to know how tactful he should be about Trump being elected and such. I gave great comments in this conversation might I add. I felt like me and this professor were realling getting on. Jolly good. I told him I have a distaste for non-Americans speaking brashly and making too many jokes about American politics at the American people's expense. He liked this comment. Anyways, I talk for a while with other study abroad Americans and this professor about this. He had noticed my BYU shirt, which I had been wearing during the talk, but had since put on a sweater. We talk about this breifly in relation to politics, and someone says "so you go to BYU then?" HAH I realize I have never been asked this question and I am throughly entertained because for a split second I imagine I was a BYU student and I could say yes, how cool would that be? I love that for a second I was assumed a BYUian. So funny.
Because this professor teaches a Stephen King class, I get to say during this conversation (which moves beyond politics and such) that my ex-girlfriend was Stephen King obsessed so I'm not sure I can dip my toe back in just yet haha. And this, my friends, is the greatest thing about having an ex-girlfirend: Getting to drop that you have an ex-girlfriend. Guys, it is just the greatest thing is the world I can almost forgive Mel for all the distress they caused me just for that. It is the perfect way to casually and cooly drop that you are gay. It's just the perfect move. It's suave, it speaks for itself, it's often part of a joke, and it exudes maturity and experience. At least in my opinion. It makes my day a little brighter when I have the perfect oppurtunity to say this. Perfect coming out. Weird that when you are gay you come out to everyone you meet eventually, in a sense. It's kind of awesome. Everyone I meet I have this tiny little secret I could share hehe. Like oh earlier in this drinks and chatting I was speaking to this one girl and we were talking about clubs and such and I asked her if she had been to any good ones yet. Then, I got to say that I was gonna go to "She in Soho which is the only lesbian club in london" this weekend. Mwahahaha. epic.
A couple hours and two glasses of wine later, the group I am with, the professor, and I are the only ones left in the room. Let it be known that I am a linger longerer. I love to be the last to leave, the last to sleep, the last to fold. Pleasures of life. I talk about thrifting, our professors gives us the deets on where to go and one person makes a whatsapp group chat with all of us to go shopping this weekend. All good things come to those who wait. hehe. Also, the professor asked if any of us wanted the rest of the red wine (like half a bottle) to take home because it was just going to be thrown out and you can bet your bottom dollar I waited about 2 seconds before saying Me! I will take it! "Hey, I'm on a budget" I said to them. When you are penny pinching there is no time to be embarassed about claiming the leftover wine from a school function, you simply take it. mmhmm. So now I have this free wine in my room just waiting for my night out this weekend. mwhahahaha. Then we all leave and as we are going, horror movies come up and I say "I love the project (gag) of horror, I love how unique it is as a genre" and the professor says "why aren't you in my horror class!?!" Well Mr. Professor sir, wonder no longer because I actually went home and switched into the Stephen King horror class BECAUSE. I will not let my aforementioned ex-girlfriend ruin things for me! I love horror so muchhh and while I dislike Stephen King, sometimes it is good to dive into things you dislike. So that is exciting. I am stoked to have a class with that professor. He was a pretty chill guy. Oh to be a cool professor, adored by yuppie young adults for simply being...chill. Sigh. It's a dream.
I walked home with people, got lost, found my way, made dinner, went to the library to check out Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen for my Jane Austen class heough heugh. I started to read and then fell asleep. So on my very first trip to the library I took a nap there. Trust me, it is only the first of many. My school friends are aware that I have slept in almost every single building on campus. My only exceptions are freak ones like the psych building or the theater. I have slept probably a total of 24 hours in the MHC library. Some people are confused by this way of life. They don't understand why I don't just go home, but these people clearly don't appreciate how delicious a nap is where you are not supposed to nap. I sleep so soundly on couches and with my head on tables and such. Like truly my sleep is like a bite of dark decadent chocolate. Yup Yup. I am a consiouer of sleeping in public and of napping in general. Sometimes, in dire situations, I can nap for 10 minutes. Just 10 minutes is all I need to sleep. I can drop dead anywhere. It is a talent. I also just have a problem where when I start to read for school I instantly get sleepy, and I have learned to just listen yo my body, because it is so much better to take that 30 minute nap and work hard afterwards than to fight sleep forever. It's the truth.
blurry picture evidence that I did walk home with people.
weird graveyard in the middle of a residential area I found while I was lost
my classes minus gender and sexual politics in contemporary china and plus the horror one I talked about. I was sad to drop gender and sexual politics but it was the only one I could semi part with. Sighhhhhhhh decisions decisions. I wonder if I can request 5 classes? That would proabably be a bad idea though. I just was really excited about the china class because it talked about fan culture. But alas.
Gosh this was a monster of an entry. I really do treat this thing like a diary. Well, anyways it's pretty late. I was gonna add comments to this tonight but now I think I'll just read and fall asleep instead. Until next time!